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    Boy, i've really been put in a tailspin.  It's not often that I feel like this.  In fact, I don't think i've EVER felt this way.  I've put myself in dubious situations before but I think i've really uped the ante this time around.  For so long, no matter how good I feel at times, i've felt lost.  My world has really been turned upside down and I don't know how to change it. 

    So yeah, i've never felt this way before because a sweet girl i've had the pleasure of going out on a few dates with has ignited feelings that I haven't felt since I was 17.  I have gone out on so many dates this past 8-9 months or so it would be impossible to keep track.  I've been content to automatically think there would be little to no chemistry involved with the girls i'd go out on dates with.  Not so with this one.  It's caught me so off-guard it's really, all together, not so funny. 

    She knows how I feel too.  What do you do when all you can feel as if she really doesn't feel the same way about you?  I can't help but to worry and over think this entire situation.  I really don't know how to handle it! LOL.  This is something that I can honestly say that i'd never experience.  However, here I am.  I know, I know...  I really shouldn't worry about stuff like this so soon at all.  Way to early to expect something from the other person so soon.  I guess it's me just being extremely, extremely, extremely insecure about my feelings and the situation.

    I took a huge risk.  I never do say some of the things I said so early on.  Shoot, we aren't even in a serious relationship yet.  One of these days I will wise up and not let my feelings melt like they did on Tuesday.  I guess sometimes, you can't help it.   

Currently Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War By Nathaniel Philbrick see related

Letter from home.

The following is something my dad sent my brother and I.  It's actually pretty interesting when you break it all down. Have fun with this! :)

Hi Sons,
 
I have been reading book about the Mayflower and came across some interesting information about the Pilgrims and Plymouth. It seems that when the Pilgrims first got to the New England, they made plenty of mistakes and a lot of people died as a results. The following is from the book "Mayflower" by Nathaniel Philbrick:

"The fall of 1623 marked the end of Plymouth's debilitating food shortages. For the last two planting seasons, the Pilgrims had grown crops communally--the approach first used at Jamestown and other English settlements. But as the disastrous harvest of the previous fall had shown, something drastic needed to be done to increase the annual yield. In April, Bradford had decided that each household should be assigned its own plot to cutivate, with the understanding that each family kept whatever it grew. The change in attitude was stunning. Families were now willing to work much harder than they had ever worked before. In previous years, the men had tended the fields while the women tended the children at home. The women now went willingly into the field, Bradford wrote, and took their little ones with them to set corn. The Pilgrims had stumbled on the power of capitialism. Although the fortunes of the colony still teetered precariously in the years
ahead, the inhabitants never again starved."

It seems that a lot of people in the U.S. have forgotten history, and I think that we are doomed to repeat some very bad mistakes if we don't stop depending on the government to fix every problem we have. Reading about the Mayflower has shown me that the liberals way of conducting government will lead us into slavery. If you get the chance, get the book and read it. 

Indeed, it seem as though we have forgot about our very own history. On a side note, i've met a very nice girl. We don't really know each other that well yet but we are getting there.  She kinda saved me from the abysmal cycle that I was in for a quick minute. :)

Currently Songs for the Deaf By Queens of the Stone Age No One Knows see related

New Years.

Yeah, the new year is about to be here.. Here are some resolutions that I WILL complete.

1. No Soda for a year.

2. No fast good for a year.

3. No smoking for a year.

4. Do atleast 5 things out of the ordinary. (hopefully more.)

5. Visit atleast 3 countries in Asia that I haven't been to before.

That's all the ones that i've set for myself. Let's hope to god I can do the first two, haha.

Shattered

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could
Learn how to feel
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
And would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel.

About how I feel of everything.

Yeah, dude!